10.19.07
Love Rhymes
My one and only sent this one:
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE
RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
***********************************************************
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other –
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty
and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes –
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “Go to hell.”
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
Rubber Gloves
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you’re going to smile when
you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
“Do you know how they make these gloves?” he asked.
“No, I don’t,” she replied.
“Well,” he spoofed, “there’s a building in Canada with a big tank
of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them
into boxes of the right size.”
She didn’t crack a smile.
“Oh, well. I tried,” he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,
she burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“I was just envisioning how condoms are made!”
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
10.18.07
Update
Well, I said it’d be awhile, and so it has. But since I am getting regular traffic from the riverbank now, I feel obliged to at least update you on the situation around here. Our local Montecito has amazed me with their level of professionalism in getting this Poker room ready for tomorrow. In short, none. We spent all day long leaning how to play poker without chips. The real challenge was leaning how to play without cards. Then came the two hour breaks, and then the fun started. We got shuffled around the room like cows to the slaughter. in fact, I did see that Deer In The Headlights look on a few people. Ah, well. I hope it goes well. I’m not included because of course my paperwork is stuck on somebody’s desk. Probably that same guy that types up all the comic book scripts. Have no fear, I will be back soon. I’ve got a few things up my sleeve, and I’ll put them up real soon.
10.12.07
The Montecito
Well, one of my dreams comes true in one week. I will be a full fledged Poker Dealer at Mountaineer Race Track. So, as much as I hate to say this, the Radio will be silent most of the time. I will try to put things on here as time permits, but I am working the night shift, and probably won’t have much time. Hang in there, fearless readers! It will get better.
10.03.07
The Movies
I was watching TV today and saw a commercial for that new Ben Stiller movie. It actually looked pretty good from what I saw. I thought to myself that he might actually be making a funny movie for once. I mean, come on. Every movie he has been in has been the stupidest thing on the planet. Mystery Men was a kind of exception, but it was stupid funny. Only time will tell I guess. Shoot me a line and me know what you think.
