12.12.07
If You Say So
By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TENJOOBERRYMUDS”…
In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need
to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following
conversation until you are able to understand the term “TENJOOBERRYMUDS”. With a
little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in… Now, here go
The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a
hotel guest and room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today……
Room Service: “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest: “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
Room Service: “Rye. Roon sirbees…morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???”
Guest: “Uh….. Yes, I’d like to order bacon and eggs.”
Room Service: “Ow July den?”
Guest: “…..What??”
Room Service: “Ow July den?!?…pryed, boyud, poochd?”
Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry… scrambled, please.”
Room Service: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”
Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”
Room Service: “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”
Guest: “What?”
Room Service: “An toes. July Sahn toes?”
Guest: “I… don’t think so.”
Room Service: “No? Judo wan sahn toes???”
Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo wan sahn toes’ means.”
Room Service: “To es! Toes!…Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?”
Guest: “Oh, English muffin!!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
Room Service: “We bodder?”
Guest: “No, just put the bodder on the side.”
Room Service: “Wad?!?”
Guest: “I mean butter… just put the butter on the side”
Room Service: “Copy?”
Guest: “Excuse me?”
Room Service: “Copy…tea..meel?”
Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please… a nd that’s everything.”
Room Service: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy…rye??”
Guest: “Whatever you say.”
Room Service: “Tenjooberrymuds.”
Guest: “You’re welcome”
Remember I said “By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
‘TENJOOBERRYMUDS’”…..and you do, don’t you!
Never Question a Drunk
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in
front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, “You must be single.”
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked
at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: “Well, you
know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know
that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
12.01.07
Funny Want Ads
I found these on one of the millions of humor sites on the web. There was no attributed author, however they are said to have actually appeared in newspapers.
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
We build bodies that last a lifetime.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
