02.26.08
Political Break
I’d just like to take this opportunity to sound off on a few things. Now, i am a strict independant when it comes to voting. I’ll vote for whoever I feel will do the best job, regardless of party. What burns me is the democratic side of the house. Hillary is in a constant feud with Obama. Now, regardless of the flack he has gotten, I would have to vote for Obama if it came down to it. Senator Clinton has been riding the coattails of her husband for years now. Look at it this way. She ran for Senator of New York, why? Couldn’t she get elected in her home state? Does she think Bill’s rep has hurt her in the state of Arkansas? My theory is, she had her two terms pulling Bill’s strings, and I refuse to give her a third term in office. I plan to vote for for either Stephen Colbert, or Homer Simpson. Peter Griffin would make a better President. Ok, enough of the soapbox, back to the regularly scheduled hilarity.
02.20.08
Back Again
It’s been awhile, since work has finally caught up with me. dealing Poker 5 nights a week, and playing the other two tends to get in the way of other things I want to do. Oh well, I’ll keep plugging along, and will post as much stuff as I can find on here. Tramp has featured a couple of my posts on his site, the ones with alot of graphics. I still haven’t figured those out yet. Oh and for those diehard poker players like myself, be sure to check out www.wickedchopspoker.com. It’s a poker blog with a biting wit, and girls. Yay!!! Anywho, stay tuned for more, I’ll catch up whenever I can.
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
____________ _________ _________ _____
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM..
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application
“Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.The best course of action is to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag Nag 9.5 Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
02.12.08
Rt 30 Blues
Now, it seems to me that our state highways, much less the Historic Lincoln Highway, should be kept in pretty decent shape. Nonetheless, travelling on highway 30, is an exercise in the slalom. Potholes are everywhere!!! I am beginning to think that my front end alignment is off because of these potholes. Now, I won’t be so bold as to say the state should pay for the repair work, but I will say that they do need to take better care of their highways. All it takes is some patchwork here and there. I need not add that the very stretch of highway I am referring to was not very long ago shut down to be repaved. What did the state do? Pave the potholes into the damn road? Come on now, feed me another one.
02.07.08
West Virginia Ghost Story
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This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the Low country of West Virginia, while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s real. A guy was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a really dark night in the middle of
a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard
he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghost-like
in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door,
only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.
Just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver’s window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town.
The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out,
he started to pray and begging for his life, he was sure the ghost car would go off the
road and into the marsh and he would surely drown.Wet and in shock, he went into a cafe and, voice quivering, ordered a cup of hot coffee, black, then told everybody about his experience. A silence enveloped the cafe and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some weirdo.
About half an hour later two guys walked into the cafe and one says to the other:
”Look Bubba, there’s that idiot who jumped in our car when we
were pushing it to the gas station.”
02.05.08
Men According to Women
This came from my sister, Jamie:
WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN’S REVENGE
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Sara listened to the instructor, “It is essential
that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it honey?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”
He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so does she.”
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
Police Comments
02.03.08
What is Wrong with our School System
